


Keeping Up with the Van Der Lindes

by FaeXo



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, F/M, Genderbending, Heavy Drinking, Hurt John Marston, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, also everyone lives on this huge ranch, arthur thinks he's straight but ofc he's not, did i mention sean and john have a youtube channel, main ship is arthur/john but we got a lot to unpack first, micah being an ass as usual, specifically genderbent john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeXo/pseuds/FaeXo
Summary: John has always had a crush on Arthur. It was just something he lived with, like knowing Santa Claus isn't real or that Uncle actually used to be young once. He never expected to do anything about his feelings, though as fate would have it, one incident changed everything.Just when John figures he has a shot at being with Arthur, it is announced that Arthur and his on and off girlfriend, Mary, became engaged. Heartbroken, John finds himself doing his best to avoid Arthur all while trying to numb the pain. Javier decides to help as best as he can and takes John out for a night of drinking.The only problem is, John did NOT expect to return home as the opposite gender.
Relationships: Hosea Matthews/Dutch van der Linde, Javier Escuella/John Marston, John Marston/Arthur Morgan, Mary Gillis Linton/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	1. Welcome to Van Der Linde Ranch

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! Decided to write my first RDR fic, since I've been obsessing over RDR2 so much lately. I have so many ideas for this one, seriously, it's going to be a rollercoaster. It'll probably start slow but once it gets going, be prepared! 
> 
> There is probably going to be like, a secondary little ship- someone with John. I haven't figured out who yet but feel free to leave me some ideas! Anyway, I hope you enjoy! :)

Sean holds his phone securely in his hand, hitting the 'record video' button as he positions the front camera directly on himself and John.

"Heeee-llo guys and welcome back to the channel! I'm Sean-" he pauses, waiting for John to say his part of their intro.

"And I'm John-" John continues.

"And you're tuning in to SeanJohn VDL. Today we're doing a highly requested video: ranch tour! We're going to take you all around our ranch and show you what we do when we're not filming the most random shit that you guys like to watch for some reason."

Sean switched the camera to the rear side now, focusing on John. They had agreed that Sean would do the filming and John would do the talking, or rather, most of the talking.

"Alright, let's get into the tour," John began, motioning to a large house that was behind him. The two of them were standing in the driveway of the ranch, having decided to start from the front of the property and work their way to the back. "This is the main house. We won't be going inside because it's massive and would take twice as long. But we could do a separate tour video for the house."

Sean moved his face in front of the camera for a moment as he added, "John and I share a room and it's pretty awesome. You guys gotta see it."

The camera went to John again, showing that he was beginning to walk. Sean followed, holding the camera as steady as he could.

"Yeah so, the main house surprisingly doesn't have many bedrooms. Sean and I share a room, then Dutch and Hosea have their room. Uh, Arthur has his own room. And then Javier and Lenny share a room too. Sometimes Uncle just sleeps on the couch downstairs," John explained.

Their channel viewers knew of the people that lived with them on the ranch, but they never really explained anything about them. After all, the channel was about Sean and John, not the whole gang.

"Over here we have the garage. The cars go here," John paused when Sean laughed at his obvious statement, frowning at him. Once he stopped, John continued, "We also have like, a spare laundry room in the garage for some reason. And then over here-"

John continued walking past the garage to the building next to it, which looked like a mini version of the main house. "This is the spare house, where everyone else stays. Miss Grimshaw runs the place, pretty much. But we usually all eat dinner together in the main house. And we have movie nights and stuff."

The boys started to move behind the garage and houses, to the pasture and stables. From where they were, they could see Arthur at the stables, caring for the horses. Naturally, he would be their next target.

"Oh look, Arthur is out here! Let's go say hi!" Sean suggested, though John had already began walking toward the stables. Arthur had his back to them as he brushed one of the horses, likely not noticing their presence until they were right next to him.

"This is where we keep the horses. Arthur is usually the one that takes care of them, but sometimes I help too," John continued to narrate, smiling over at Arthur.

Arthur smiled back at John before looking at Sean, or rather, the camera. He didn't mind when the boys brought him into their little films. It was adorable to him- how they were so passionate about anything and everything that they recorded.

"This here is my horse, Boadicea. You happened to catch her in a good mood today. Usually she gets all defensive when Sean is around," Arthur said, stifling a laugh.

Sean grumbled, determined to prove that he could get close to Boadicea by taking a few steps closer, the camera in the horse's face. "And what do you have to say about that, ma'am?"

John and Arthur simultaneously burst into laughter when Boadicea responded by attempting to gobble up Sean's phone, leaving the Irishman struggling to pull his phone back.

* * *

On the back deck of the main house, Dutch and Hosea stood together in one another's embrace, staring out at pasture. From there, they saw Sean, John and Arthur getting into shenanigans. Javier was out feeding the chickens. Kieran was mowing the grass around the house. Uncle was off sleeping under one of the trees.

"Look at what we have created, Hosea. I couldn't have done any of this without you," Dutch said, his arms wrapped securely around the man in front of him.

"I know," Hosea answered simply, his one arm around Dutch as well while his other arm held onto the balcony railing.

"Smug bastard," Dutch replied, the pair of them laughing softly afterwards.

Dutch finally found the strength to pull himself away from Hosea, moving over to the control station to the PA system that they had set up all over the ranch. It was the easiest way to contact everyone when they were all doing their duties in different areas around the property. Dutch pressed the 'page all rooms' button, speaking into the microphone. "Everyone! Please come to the back porch, I have an important announcement to make."

It took about five minutes for everyone to gather at their meeting location. The porch was raised so that they would have to look up at the couple standing on the porch, almost as if it were to be representative of their hierarchy. Dutch and Hosea started this whole community, they were kind enough to invite all these people to live with them and their two sons. Rent free, at that, so long as everyone helped out around the ranch.

Well maybe with the exception of Uncle.

"Friends! Thank you all for being here. And I do mean that both in this moment and in a broader sense. Without all of you, this ranch would not function. That's not what this is about, though," Dutch paused, looking back at Hosea as he offered his hand out to him. Hosea took the hand and stepped forward, standing beside his partner.

"After many years of being together, Hosea and I are finally sealing the deal..." Dutch paused for dramatic effect, because being Dutch, he couldn't resist.

"Hosea and I are getting married."


	2. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and John have a pleasant chat. Sean is there but also not there.

The wedding announcement really didn't come as a surprise to most. Anyone that lived on the ranch knew how much Hosea and Dutch loved each other, but of course nobody knew better than John and Arthur. Nevertheless, everyone was happy for the couple and cheered at their decision to wed. 

"'Bout time they tied the knot," John murmured to Arthur as he stood beside him amongst the crowd. Dutch was rambling on about how he knew he made the right choice, yadda yadda. 

"I think they finally realized they aren't getting any younger. Hosea used to joke a lot about how he could easily leave Dutch if he wronged him in any way. Good to know they finally got past that," Arthur replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he smiled up at his parental figures. 

Arthur had been with Hosea and Dutch longer than John had. Though that was not to say that John didn't know them any less than Arthur did. The pair of them were great parents; caring, gentle, supportive, and protective above all. If John so much as came home with a bruise, they would rush down to his school and raise hell. Of course, John could handle himself just fine what with his firecracker temperament. But it felt good knowing he had parents that cared. 

"Now, being that Hosea and I have been together for longer than most of you have been alive, we thought it best to have a quick and small wedding. It'll be right here on the ranch, this Saturday to be exact. We have our honeymoon plans already in place, so we'll be leaving Saturday night," Dutch paused as a question was thrown out from the crowd. 

"Where are you guys going?" It sounded like it came from Kieran. 

"We are going to Tahiti! And while we are gone, Arthur will be in charge. These are happy circumstances indeed, but we need to keep production up. We are at our highest productivity output yet, high enough to surpass O'Driscoll Farms! Saturday will be a day for celebration and leisure, but then back to work the next day. Understood?" 

There were some collective murmurs of confirmation, along with some head nods. Dutch seemed satisfied enough by that and dismissed everyone. He and Hosea headed into the house while the crowd slowly dispersed, leaving only a few people behind. 

"One day until the wedding. Kinda fast, doncha think?" Sean spoke up, facing John and Arthur. 

"I think they're just anxious to get it over with and go on vacation. They could use it," John responded, shrugging his shoulders. 

A blond-haired man pushed his way into their little circle, glaring at Arthur. Micah, of course, had to stick himself into conversations where he wasn't wanted. "Let's just hope Morgan doesn't let his five seconds of fame go to his head. You think you're all big and bad now that 'daddy' is letting you run the show?" 

Arthur's eyes met with Micah's, holding the same intense glare. He wasn't afraid of him, unlike some of the others. It was unclear to Arthur why Dutch kept him around, it seemed all Micah did was stir up trouble. 

"It's okay to be jealous, Micah. Don't hide your feelings," John teased at the man before Arthur could get out a response. He always leapt at the opportunity to protect Arthur in any way, maybe because he really did hate it when Micah picked on him. Or maybe because he wanted Arthur to feel grateful and it to somehow bring them even closer. 

But it left Micah turning his sights on John, locking onto him as the primary target now. Sean noticed the shift and immediately tensed, ready to lash out for his best friend. Three against one, they could easily take Micah down. 

"You best shut that pretty little mouth of yours. Unless you want me to shut it for you. I could think of a couple different ways to do that," Micah threatened, grinning maliciously at the younger. 

Before Sean could react, Arthur moved first, shoving Micah back and away from them. "Get lost, Micah! Don't you have anything better to do?" 

Micah stumbled back a bit, glaring at Arthur once again. The two of them could go on and on, glaring at each other all day. In fact, there were some days where they would. As for now, Micah decided to cut his losses. 

"I would watch my back if I were you, Morgan," he uttered the one last threat before turning and walking off, leaving the three men to let out a sigh. 

John rubbed his head, the faintest migraine coming on. That always seemed to happen around Micah. "I could use a drink. You guys wanna join me?" 

The trio headed into the main house for some drinks, since Arthur had been done with the stables and Sean and John didn't have the energy left for more recording. The footage of the ranch had been good enough for editing and posting. But that could be saved for later. 

Nestled in the kitchen of the main house was a door that led to what used to be a wine cellar. Dutch had it renovated to be more like a walk-in cooler for extra fridge space, as well as alcohol. It was always stocked with various drinks, available to everyone. John recalled sneaking down one night when he was twelve, taking his first sip of whiskey which he decided he hated at the time. 

Yet that happened to be the drink that he, Sean, and Arthur opted for. 

An hour later, the men had forgotten all about the mishap with Micah. The lounge was where they decided to have their drinking session - it was probably the most relaxing room in the house. Two of the four walls in the room were lined with an extended couch, a very cushiony one at that. There were tons of pillows and blankets, as well as a couple of ottomans. A few bookshelves lined the other walls, full of various books. 

Sean was already passed out on the couch while Arthur and John sat beside him, talking idly. John had his legs propped up on Arthur's lap as he reclined against the couch, which Arthur didn't seem to mind one bit. 

"I just hope that one day I'll have something as special as what Dutch and Hosea have. They've had their ups and downs, but they're so happy together. You can tell by the way they look at one another," Arthur spoke, idly taking another sip of the whiskey he held in his free hand, his other hand holding onto John's ankles. 

John could understand Arthur's wish, but he couldn't help but to feel a little bothered by it. Imagining Arthur with someone else, having his own family. That was John's biggest nightmare. Nobody knew Arthur better than John, he was completely convinced that nobody else would be good enough for Arthur. Maybe his little crush was weird, since they were raised in the same household. But they weren't blood related and John believed that they were put into the same house because they were meant to be together. 

He couldn't pinpoint why Arthur was his one. Sure, John had other crushes in school. But they were small and short lived. He tried dating both boys and girls, ultimately finding he preferred boys. But no matter who he was with, Arthur was always in the back of his mind. And for the life of him, John couldn't figure out why. 

As a child, he idolized Arthur, seeing him as everything a male figure was supposed to be. Smart, strong, kind, mature. He was the definition of a gentleman. But as John got older, the admiration and idealization turned into romanticizing. The other boys at school weren't like Arthur, not by a longshot. They were childish and selfish, only caring about what would benefit them. John couldn't truly connect to anyone like the way he did with Arthur. And although Arthur is a good decade older than John, he didn't care. 

Realizing Arthur was waiting on a response, John cleared his throat and nodded. "You have anyone in mind?" 

"Initially I thought about Mary. I'm not sure how that would work out with her family being the way they are." 

Mary. Right. John's heart sank even further, probably down to his stomach by now. Oh how he despised Mary. She was so clearly selfish, like John's gradeschool exes. And her father constantly downed Arthur. Her father was the reason why they would break up and get back together repeatedly. Arthur should be appreciated, celebrated even. Treated like a king, the way John wanted to treat him. It wasn't fair. 

"What if she's not the one though? What if it were someone else that you never even considered? Like someone that you don't think you'd be attracted to?" John questioned, taking the whiskey from Arthur's hand for another sip. 

Arthur paused to ponder John's question, brows knitting close together in concentration. "Like who? Karen?" 

John scrunched up his face and shook his head, laughing a little. Karen was nice but he definitely couldn't see Arthur with her. "Nah, besides, I think her and Sean got something going on. No, I mean... would you ever... you know, try with a guy?" 

The question slipped out of John's mouth before he could process what he was saying. Alcohol was definitely taking over his mind now. He would probably come to regret this conversation the next day, but for now he was going with it. 

The older male paused again to ponder, John taking the lack of immediate disgust as a good sign. Sure, their parents were gay and Arthur was fine with it, but it was a different story when it came to himself. He had no issues with homosexuality, but he was uncertain about putting himself in that situation. 

"Don't know... I-... I wouldn't even know how to do that, how to do anything with a guy." 

A small laugh came from John, he found it adorable how Arthur was so clueless about this. For once, John knew more about something over Arthur. "It's like with a girl. Not a big difference. You interested?" 

Shifting his eyes from the floor to John, Arthur debated with himself internally. Was John offering himself as a test subject? Was this a dream? Maybe he fell asleep at the stables again. Regardless if it was a dream or not though, Arthur found himself nodding slowly. 

John was quick to act, removing his legs from Arthur's lap. He sat up, scooting closer to the blond. The two locked eyes for a moment, John searching those blue orbs for any sign of discomfort. He couldn't tell if he was reading them correctly, but he thought he saw excitement mixed with desire. Probably just imagined it. 

Their lips collided slowly to begin, John letting his mouth simply rest against Arthur's. When Arthur didn't pull back or push him away, John started to move his lips against Arthur's. After the initial shock, Arthur felt comfortable enough to participate in the exchange as well, even bringing up a hand to place at the back of John's neck. 

After a few moments, they parted, only to charge into another kiss. It felt like hours passed by as they sat there kissing, hands beginning to roam each other's bodies. The whole encounter started off experimental, but turned passionate the longer they continued. But eventually they parted, lips swollen as they both panted softly. 

John just couldn't help himself. He had to confess to Arthur, especially if he had gotten this far. Otherwise, he may never have another chance. 

"Arthur, I- I love you. I always have..." 

The worst was expected, but Arthur simply smiled and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss to John's neck while he mumbled against it, "You know... I love you too, John. I wondered what it would be like to kiss you. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me for wondering, but... I ain't sorry for it." 

Bliss was all John felt both physically and in his heart. Those words had sent him to another world, one where only he and Arthur existed. He couldn't let this night end, even if his life depended on it. He wanted more, wanted Arthur all to himself. 

"John." 

The younger male blinked his eyes, looking at Arthur, noticing he had sat up straight again. He must have asked a question, but John had been far too into his thoughts to realize it. 

"Sorry, what?" He asked, rubbing at his eyes. 

"I said do you want to sleep in my room with me? We can talk a little bit more about... this." 

John felt like a bobblehead figurine with the way he eagerly nodded, placing the empty bottle of whiskey that he had been holding onto the floor. He stood up quickly, almost stumbling over. With a laugh, Arthur caught his wrist and stood up, holding the brunet to himself to steady him. 

"Think he'll be okay?" Arthur asked, nodding his head at Sean. The Irishman was half on the couch and half on the floor, headfirst. 

"Oh yeah, he sleeps like that all the time." John assured Arthur, tugging him to the room's exit. 

The pair stumbled up the stairs to Arthur's room, thankfully avoiding any prying eyes. The day had quickly transitioned to night and by now, everyone would have probably settled in for bed. Arthur's room was one of the larger ones, though he didn't decorate it with much. He had a king sized bed that took up most of the room, along with the essentials like a dresser, a TV, a nightstand. John admired Arthur's simplicity. 

With the door shut, both men began to shed their clothes until they were left with their undergarments. Arthur threw back the sheets of the bed and crawled in first, leaving an open spot for John whom he held his hand out to. John gratefully took his hand, sliding into the bed and snuggling up to Arthur's side. A protective arm went around John, the two men completely tangled into one another. 

And that was the way they spent the night, cuddling up to one another and chatting until their eyes could no longer remain open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got one more chapter of fluff after this one and then things are going to fall apart - prepare thyself!


	3. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Arthur chat some more, followed by grocery shopping.

The first thing John noticed when he woke up was that he was definitely not in his bed. This one was far too comfortable, unlike John's barely functioning mattress. It was so old that it had lost its cushion, and yet John didn't want to part with it despite all the times Hosea begged him to get a new one. It was too big of a risk - what if he couldn't find one just like it? 

Slowly, images from the previous night started flowing into his mind. Micah being a pest, him, Arthur, and Sean drinking together. And then... oh no, did he really confess to Arthur? Even worse, did he really kiss him? 

John finally found the courage to open his eyes, looking to both vacant sides of the bed beside where he was laying. The room was Arthur's, obviously, but the man was nowhere to be found. He probably woke up to John's face and ran off, which John really couldn't blame him for. His scarred face wasn't the most attractive thing in the world, even though John felt it made him look tougher. 

He would never forget the day that he got them. Dutch, Hosea, Arthur and himself were having an outing at the park. John strayed a little too far from their picnic table and got attacked by a loose dog, one much bigger than his ten year old self. Dutch managed to track down the owner, and, well, the owner was just lucky to make it out of that confrontation still being alive. 

Shaking himself out of his wandering thoughts again, John sat up in the bed, holding the blankets close to himself. Arthur probably hated him now. Things would be super awkward and uncomfortable between them, Dutch and Hosea would pick up on it and question them. Somehow that would be even worse. 

Just before John could get out of the bed, the door opened and revealed a shirtless Arthur, wearing only jeans with a towel around his neck. His hair was wet and water droplets fell from the ends of his blond strands down to his toned chest. John knew he was staring, but how could he not when Arthur was standing there looking so perfect? 

"You finally up?" Arthur asked with a chuckle, closing the door behind himself as he stepped into the room. 

"Uh, yeah. Did you- did you sleep okay?" John responded, feeling slightly awkward. He turned his eyes towards the bed in a delayed attempt to hide the fact that he had been staring at Arthur. 

"Slept great. How did you sleep?" 

John had to admit, Arthur definitely didn't seem upset. He seemed happy, if anything. That had to be a good sign. 

"I slept great too..." John shifted under the blankets, criss-crossing his legs as he idly ran his fingers over the scars on his face. It was a comfort habit he had, whenever he was nervous or anxious. "You, uh... you said you loved me. Last night. Wanna talk about that?" 

That was the one part that stuck with him through the whole night. The fact that Arthur outright admitted that he loved him. Where did it come from? And when? How? Why? 

Arthur dried off his hair a bit with the towel before tossing it away, moving over to the edge of the bed to sit down. He had to think about how he wanted to explain himself to John, clearly the matter left the younger feeling confused. Truth was, Arthur didn't quite understand himself. Why had he felt so compelled to tell John that? He never said things with such heavy effects without having truth to it. So did he love John? 

"I guess I... Well... it's complicated, Johnny. I ain't ever thought I would have feelings for... another male. It was true when I said I imagined kissing you. I can't lie, you're attractive. Only I didn't realize it until you brought up your feelings." Arthur paused to sigh, clearly feeling a little confused himself. "You know like how you see someone and in your mind you think, 'that person is attractive' and then you never really think about it again until they start talking to you? Like that." 

Each of Arthur's words were carefully analyzed by John, as if they had some hidden meaning. Nothing that happened seemed to be real, John was just trying to convince himself that it was. What it seemed like was that Arthur had hidden feelings that even he didn't know about. But it also seemed as if it were the whole male to male relationship that he was unsure about. No doubt, if John had been female, he wouldn't even have to question him. 

"But uh, there's a difference between like and love. You can be attracted to someone without loving them." John muttered, grabbing some of the blankets in his hands and twisting the fabric gently. 

"You know I ain't good with words. John, stop that. Look at me," Arthur paused until John looked up, locking eyes at last. "You're the only other person besides Dutch and Hosea that knows me well. We used to spend nearly every second of every day together. Things got so close between us, it's... it's like we have this bond that can't be broken. Be it fate or luck, we were brought together for a reason. I don't want to be without you, John." 

"You think... we were meant to be together, too? I felt that way since I was a kid. I can't explain it, it's just- a feeling." John felt like he was going to tear up, even though the conversation wasn't particularly tear-jerking. It was nice hearing what Arthur felt, he never talked about it. 

"Yeah, I do. And I do love you. Maybe it's not romantically yet, but I think we could try. Don't you?" 

John nodded eagerly, an unbreakable smile on his face now. So Arthur was at the attraction phase, that was fine. They could start things slow, maybe go on dates and get to know each other from a romantic perspective. That was everything John wanted and more. 

"I would like that. And maybe we can-" 

Before John could finish his sentence, a knock rattled the door. Even without a voice to accompany it, it was clear who was knocking. Only one person would use such a loud and authoritative knock on Arthur's door. 

"Arthur, have you seen John? I need to talk with him," Dutch's muffled voice rang out through the door, leaving John and Arthur silently staring at each other. Arthur was shirtless and John was still in his underwear under the blankets. This would look completely inappropriate, considering they were no longer children. 

"Uh, yeah, Dutch. I think he's in the bathroom. I'll send him down to ya when he comes out," Arthur responded quickly. 

"Thank you, my boy," Dutch replied simply. 

The men waited a moment after Dutch left before they started making any noise. Instead of words, the only thing that came from them was a shared laugh. 

"Better get a move on. You know he hates to be kept waiting," Arthur stated, grinning at John. 

"I know, I know," John grumbled, sliding out of the bed. Thankfully his and Sean's room was right across the hall, so if the coast was clear, he could make a dash for it. 

Gathering up his clothes from the floor, John turned and waved at Arthur before taking a peek into the hallway. Nobody was in sight, so he ran directly across the hall and into his room- his oddly empty room. Sean was either still on the couch or was somewhere else downstairs. Which was good for John, he wouldn't have to waste half an hour explaining what happened to Sean while Dutch started whistling angrily like a kettle. 

Discarding his old clothes, John slipped on a fresh outfit and combed out his hair with his fingers. It was getting harder to style, now that it was nearly past his shoulders. But, time was of the essence now. 

He found Dutch at the dining table, sipping his morning coffee as he looked over some documents that were spread in front of him. And- there was Sean. Sitting on the other end of the dining table, eating some cereal as he stared at John menacingly. 

"John! There you are. I looked all over for you! Usually you're still asleep at this time," Dutch said, placing the paper he was holding onto the table so he could look at his son. 

"Yeah, I, uh, couldn't sleep well. Been happening a lot lately." And it wasn't a complete lie. It had been happening more frequently. Just not last night. 

Sean chewed his breakfast slowly as he looked at John. John, on the other hand, was desperately avoiding Sean's glare. He was obviously upset that John was keeping something from him, but he wasn't about to spill the details in front of Dutch. 

"Well I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure Hosea has some miracle remedy for you to try. That man and his alternative medicine," Dutch laughed softly, "Anyway, I need you to go into town and get some things. Mostly groceries. I want to make sure everything is well stocked for you all before Hosea and I leave for Tahiti." 

"Sure, Pa," John responded. 

"I'll come too. Help you with carrying the groceries and whatnot," Arthur chimed in, suddenly appearing next to John. Thankfully with a shirt on this time. 

"Well look at that, both my boys doing a favor for their dear old father? Must be Christmas!" Dutch said with a hearty laugh, making Arthur roll his eyes. 

Arthur went on to tease Dutch about how he was using them to go shopping because he was simply thinking he was on the honeymoon already. It gave John a chance to look at Sean while Dutch was occupied with Arthur. 

Sean raised an eyebrow at John, nodding his head towards Arthur before putting his spoon down so he could make a gesture, creating a 'hole' with his thumb and pointer finger while his opposite pointer finger slid into the 'hole'. John deadpanned, shaking his head as he ran a hand over his forehead in annoyance. Apparently, once Sean saw Arthur, he assumed that John had been gone because he and Arthur were having sex. Of course he thought that. 

"We'll be off now. Be back soon," Arthur stated after receiving a grocery list from Dutch, grabbing John by his upper arm and tugging him along to the front door of the house.

* * *

The drive into town was quiet, but peaceful. Arthur drove, leaving John to look out of the window from the passenger seat. The scenery was gorgeous, John really did love the countryside. Cities weren't his thing, he much preferred mud and hay. 

Now that they were approaching the grocery store, John was starting to dread this task. Shopping was so boring and there were way too many options for simple things like toilet paper. None of it made sense. But Dutch never usually asked John to do favors for him, so there was that at least. 

"You comin' or you gonna daydream all day?" 

John blinked his eyes, not realizing they had made it to the store and parked already. Arthur was looking at him, an amused look on his face. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'," John muttered, opening his door and sliding out of the truck. 

One thing John hated most about going places with Arthur: everyone always stared. It was obvious that Arthur was handsome, that was undeniable. But everyone had to stare? Girls would even attempt to flirt with him. And it wasn't that John was jealous - he felt possessive. These strangers really think they could have what it takes to impress someone as great as Arthur. Truth is, he's just extremely kindhearted and wouldn't make anyone feel like a nuisance so of course he would respond whenever someone talked to him. 

John wasn't quite so social. 

The walk through the parking lot and into the store attracted some shoppers, as if Arthur was a beacon. John tried his best to ignore it and naturally, Arthur was oblivious to it all. 

Once inside, Arthur grabbed a shopping cart for their journey through the store. As soon as he pulled it from its brethren, John promptly climbed into said cart and seated himself in it. It took Arthur a moment to register the action. 

"What are you, twelve? You're taking up all the room for the groceries!" Arthur said, letting out a laugh. 

"Don't feel like walkin'. It was either this or you carryin' me," John responded, turning slightly to look at Arthur. 

"You're so needy," Arthur replied, shaking his head and proceeding to head further into the store as he pushed the shopping cart. 

The whole shopping trip turned out to be more fun than John expected. He and Arthur joked and laughed, pointing out the weird foods or products that they saw. Other times, they made idle chatter about the upcoming wedding or the ranch. John felt closer to Arthur than he had felt in years. It's like they were on a whole new level now, a new understanding. One that was open to so many possibilities. 

If only he had known it wouldn't last, he wouldn't have invested his whole heart into it.


	4. When It Rains, It Pours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John can't seem to find Arthur, but on the bright side, Dutch and Hosea are officially married. When John finally does find Arthur, he wishes he never had.

Spending time with Arthur was so healing to John's soul. Never had he felt so alive, so wanted. But that wasn't to say that he didn't appreciate spending time with the others. It's just that Arthur was able to make John feel things that the others didn't - romantic things. 

Though after they finished shopping and arrived back at the ranch, Arthur and John had split for the rest of the day to do their daily duties. Arthur was off to the stables and John was running reports on inventory and whatnot. But John didn't recall ever seeing Arthur again once it was time to turn in for bed. Perhaps he had gone to bed early, considering the wedding was the next day. Still, it was a bit weird, since they had such a good morning together. 

It was probably best not to dwell on it anyway. By the time John had gotten to his room, Sean was exploding with questions about what was going on between John and Arthur. Being John's best friend, he had picked up on the changes and had to know what was going on. John was more than happy to talk about Arthur and their new understanding of one another. They stayed up nearly half the night talking about it, despite having to be up early to help prepare for the wedding. But John didn't care. 

Night turned to morning and the wedding setup crew, consisting of mostly the others on the ranch, got right to work. Dutch had spilt the details of the wedding the previous evening, asking for help to set everything up. The ceremony itself was going to be out in the pasture and the reception would be in the backyard of the main house. 

Although Dutch often preferred more lavish things, the wedding was set up to be very simple. It was obvious that it was Hosea's doing, and Dutch would never deny Hosea. 

The wedding ceremony was short and sweet, Reverend Swanson even showed up being sober. His small speech before officializing Dutch and Hosea's marriage was actually pretty touching. The vows were traditional and basic, but enough to get the point across and finalize the marriage. 

It was safe to say the reception was what everyone was looking forward to. There were at least three buffet tables and one table dedicated to alcohol. Not to mention, an awesome handmade wooden dancefloor and a DJ. Just those things alone were enough for all the Van der Lines to really start celebrating. 

Away from the dancefloor were some round tables set up for eating and mingling, which was where Sean and John sat. Some people were still finishing their meals and others had already taken to the dancefloor. John slowly picked at his slice of wedding cake, listening to Sean babble. 

"It really was a heartwarming ceremony though. And did you see how happy Dutch and Hosea look? I don't think I ever seen Dutch smile that wide," Sean commented with a laugh. 

And to that, John couldn't help but smile. His parents were extremely happy now that they were a legal couple. Above all else, there was nothing more that he wanted than for his parents to be happy. Whatever happed to John, he would deal with it. But his parents meant the world to him. 

Looking to the dancefloor, John caught sight of Dutch and Hosea dancing together to the upbeat song that was playing. Their eyes seemed to be predominately locked on one another as they laughed and twirled around in each other's embrace. 

"They have a special relationship. I never could understand it, ya know? Sure, they had their little spats here and there. But they always made up, fairly quickly too. And when it comes to important things, they always look to each other for counsel. They don't usually fight, they're always on the same page. And their love, well, they still haven't lost their spark. Neither of them even look at other people in any way but platonic," John added to Sean's observations. 

"They're an inspiration to us all," Sean paused as the music changed to a slower song, instantly hopping up from his chair. "Ooh, here's my chance! I'm going to ask Karen to dance. You gonna be okay?" 

He had insisted on staying with John for the rest of the night, considering that he had still been nervous about still not seeing Arthur at all. Even at the wedding ceremony, he had been there for the important bits but then seemingly dissapeared. It was slowly driving John insane. But of course, he insisted that Sean shouldn't let it keep him from celebrating. 

"I'll be fine. You go dance. And remember: hands to yourself unless she permits it," John warned with a grin. He laughed when Sean waved off his warning and headed off for Karen's table. 

As John took another survey of the party before him, he still failed to find the one person he was looking for. It was almost like he completely fell off the face of the Earth, only John knew he didn't because he was at the ceremony. So was he really avoiding John? 

The male sighed to himself and went back to eating the remains of his cake slice. He was debating on getting up to grab a drink when another person slid into the vacant seat beside him. 

"Hey John. How's it going? Enjoying the party?" Javier greeted, setting down a beer for John and one for himself as well. "You looked thirsty. And lonely." 

Javier and John weren't nearly as close as John was to Sean, but he liked him. The man was damn good at anything he did and he worked hard, maybe the hardest out of everyone on the ranch. But more than that, he had always been incredibly sweet to John. 

"Is it that bad?" John huffed, reaching for his beer and taking a long drink from the bottle before muttering out a quick 'thank you' to Javier. 

"Well everyone else here is either in a food coma, drunk, or dancing. You're the only one out here looking like your dog died. No offense." 

John huffed again, unsure if he should laugh or be upset. It wasn't like he was trying to fit in with everyone else. "So what about you? Why'd you come over here to talk to the buzzkill?" 

Now it was Javier's turn to huff, drinking his own beer before replying to John's remark. "Jesus, John, you don't have to be so defensive. I'm just trying to help." 

John sighed, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just- have you seen Arthur? I kind of need to talk to him." 

"Arthur? No, not since the ceremony. And he was barely even there. I can go ask around though, see if I can track him down?" 

"That would be a great help. Thanks, Javier." 

The other man stood and nodded his head at John, leaving the table to begin his investigation. John had to admit, it felt nice to be alone again. He felt bad for snapping at Javier, but his mind was so clouded with questions that only Arthur could answer. 

It only took seconds before John's beer bottle was empty, but it was not enough to really alter him in any way. He stood up from the table, trailing his way to the alcohol table. There was wine, champagne, whiskey, beer, pretty much any type of alcohol you'd want. Dutch hadn't been particularly worried about anyone getting insanely drunk, since he put Charles in charge of watching out for anyone acting disruptive. 

Just as John reached for another bottle of beer, he vaguely caught a familiar shape in the corner of his eye. Turning his head to the left, he saw Arthur, at last. Only he wasn't alone. 

In front of Arthur with her arms wrapped around his neck was Mary, Arthur's ex-girlfriend. It seemed like the two were getting along pretty well by the way they were laughing and smiling at one another. Arthur even had his hands on her waist. 

And just like that, John felt his heart completely shatter. 

Arthur's gaze diverted from Mary and happened to find John almost immediately, as if he could sense he was looking at him. John could see the instant panic and regret, though he looked like he was conflicted. 

But John couldn't stand looking at him any longer. He was both hurt and angry, wanting nothing more but to run away. It was a shame that such a happy occasion had to be ruined by stupid emotions. 

Beer still in hand, John turned away and headed for the porch steps, going inside to the house in a haste. If he thought his mind had been hazy before, it was even worse now. He didn't ever remember walking through the house and up the stairs to his room, nor when he set his new beer down on his nightstand. He had instantly flipped face down onto his bed and hugged his pillow, his face shoved into it as he sobbed uncontrollably. 

Perhaps the worst part was the fact that Arthur hadn't even come inside to check on John. He knew damn well that Arthur had seen him leave, yet obviously he didn't care enough to talk to him. 

After so long of crying uncontrollably, John managed to calm down enough to contemplate what had happened. One minute he and Arthur were on good terms, confessing feelings for each other, and the next, Arthur was getting chummy with his ex-girlfriend. But he looked to be really happy with her, happier than he was with John. And that hurt even more. 

So what was with everything Arthur had told him, then? About wanting to try things out with John? About how he had some secret feelings about him and couldn't live without him? 

And when he said that he had loved John? Fat load of shit that was. 

A million things were running through John's head, mostly in the theme of lying and deception. It literally felt like couldn't breathe, like his heart was decaying into nothing and falling into his stomach. His chest hurt so much, worse than he had ever felt in his life. And his head was ready to explode from all the crying. 

The sound of a gentle knock filled the room, followed by Javier's gentle voice. "John? You in there?" 

John flipped over on his bed, sitting up as he wiped his face with his sleeves, cleaning up as best as he could. Honestly, he had expected Javier to forget about him. He wasn't sure how much time had passed since he left the party, but there was a small feeling of gratefulness in his chest that at least someone was worried for him. 

"Yeah. Come in." 

The door opened and revealed Javier, who stepped in and softly closed the door behind himself. He crossed the room and sat next to John, full concern on his face as he looked at John. 

"I take it you... found Arthur?" Javier asked, speaking slowly and delicately as if he would set off a bomb if he said the wrong thing. 

A nod was all John could muster, looking down at his lap solemnly. 

"I'm sorry, John. I didn't know you and he were... that you had something going on. I was talking to Micah and he told me Arthur and Mary are engaged, apparently. I know, Micah isn't exactly the best source for news. But he's nosy as hell and was the only one I could find that had seen Arthur. Then I went to find you, but you were gone." 

John could care less where the information came from, only that it made him feel even worse. Engaged. Arthur wanted to be rid of John that quickly. 

"So... were you and Arthur actually together, or?" Javier asked slowly. 

It was no sense in lying. Javier was very perceptive and picked up on things that most people wouldn't. And though John wasn't particularly close to Javier, he trusted him and was glad that he seemed to care. 

"Not officially. We talked about maybe trying things out and he told me that he loved me, but..." John shrugged his shoulders, trying his best not to cry again. At least not while Javier was there. 

"That's... I'm sorry. You don't deserve that, John. Look, why don't you get some rest? This is a lot to take in, besides, the party is starting to die down anyway. Do you want me to stay with you?" 

John shook his head, rubbing at his eyes gently. He was pretty tired. Besides, he just wanted to forget about his emotions now. He focused on them for longer than he liked. 

Javier stood up from the bed and kneeled slightly in front of John, carefully sliding off his shoes and placing them on the floor by the foot of the bed. He then stood up, helping John to get under the covers of his bed. John couldn't be bothered to undress anyway, but he was appreciative of Javier's kindness. 

"Get some rest." Javier said to John, offering him a small smile before leaving the room. 

Outside, Javier had met up with Sean and informed him of what had happened with John. Everyone knew Sean and John were close, but since they were also roomies, Javier thought it was important for the Irishman to know what was going on. Sean was grateful for the notification and decided to give John some space before he'd go check on him. 

Sad to say, the reception had been a big hit with everyone but John. Dutch and Hosea were set to leave for Tahiti that night, hardly giving them the time to say goodbye to anyone. But perhaps it were better that way, otherwise they might have been inclined to stay for the sake of their sons and the chaos that was going on between them. 

The party slowly fizzled out once Dutch and Hosea left to go to the airport. Everyone retired to their rooms, either drunk or exhausted from partying. It would be the first time that the ranch wasn't being run by Dutch, so the new day would surely be full of discomfort and surprises.


	5. When in Rome...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean takes care of John as best as he can. Javier relieves Sean of his babysitting duties by taking John out to party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warnings this chapter: mentions of self harm and suicide. Nothing explicit though, only brief mentions.
> 
> This chapter turned out to be longer than I intended, but I didn't want to break it up.

"You gotta be fuckin' kidding me." 

It took Sean nearly an hour to convince John to at least get out of bed for breakfast. Getting John to actually eat would be a whole other challenge, but Sean was prepared to feed the man himself if it came down to it. 

But then low and behold, right when the two were about to walk into the kitchen, there was Mary. Standing there wearing nothing more than one of Arthur's shirts and her panties while she cooked some eggs, not a care in the world. Either she hadn't noticed Sean and John, or she didn't care to acknowledge them. 

"I'm going back to bed," John muttered miserably, turning to the stairs. 

Sean couldn't blame him. The poor guy was in so much pain, Sean swore he could feel it himself. He couldn't imagine what horrible things must be running through John's head. And as much as he wanted to stay with John, he had vowed to himself to do both his and John's portion of work so that John wouldn't get in trouble. If production slowed even a little, Dutch would surely find out somehow. 

Not that Dutch would have been angry at John. It was just that he would want to know what happened and John made it clear that he didn't want either of his parents finding out about anything that happened. 

Sean decided to skip breakfast as well, the sight of Mary made him sick. That woman was bad news, hell, Sean would rather hang out with Micah than to spend five minutes with her. She gave off horrible vibes, like everything she did or said had an alternate motive. Disgusting. 

It was Sean's day to care for the cows. The company that would buy and sell their milk was due to collect today, so Sean was on a bit of a deadline. Still, he couldn't help but worry for his best friend as he worked. If only there was more he could do to soothe his aching heart.

* * *

The day slowed to an end and Sean was probably among the last to finish up for the day, taking care of the reports that John usually ran. He left the small office that was next to the living room of the main house, locking the door behind himself. Only Dutch, Hosea, John, and Arthur had keys to the office, for security reasons. Sean had taken John's key and John knew that he wouldn't try to do anything malicious. 

Sean was heading for the kitchen for a late dinner when a hand patted his shoulder from behind. He turned around and found himself face to face with Lenny. 

"Hey Sean. Is uh, John okay? He's been blaring that emo music of his all day and I haven't seen him leave your guys' room once. You don't think he's hurt himself, do you?" Lenny asked, eyebrows raised in concern. 

Immediately, Sean's heart dropped. He figured John would be okay but he never considered that he might hurt himself - or worse - try to kill himself. John never experienced this kind of pain before, it was hard to say what he would do. 

"Shit!" Sean exclaimed, dashing past Lenny for the stairs. He nearly stumbled over a couple of the steps as he made his way to the second floor, the sound of music becoming louder the further he got. Running to his and John's door, he frantically twisted the doorknob, only to find it locked. 

"John! Open the door!" He yelled as he banged his fist on the door, his other hand jiggling the doorknob. 

No response came from the room, making Sean panic even more. What if he was too late? 

He turned around, mind racing with a million thoughts. Oh, he did remember leaving the window open for John so he could at least get some fresh air. That's how he can get into the room. 

Lenny and Javier's room was right next door, so Sean ran right in. Javier was inside, strumming his guitar as he sat on his bed. He paused when Sean came in though, raising an eyebrow in question. "What's going on?" 

Sean ignored him, rushing over to the window and pushing it open. He had to make sure John was okay, by any means. Once the window was open, he climbed out of it, ignoring Javier's protests. Carefully, Sean turned his body towards the house, pulling himself up onto the roof. From there, he was able to slide across to his and John's window, lowering his legs into it first and sliding himself inside. 

John was curled up on his bed, facing the wall. Sean crossed the room and stopped at John's nightstand, turning off his speaker so that the room would finally be silent. Leaning down, he gently grabbed John's shoulder, turning him over. 

"John...?" 

The male's eyes slowly opened as he groaned sleepily. "What?" 

Looking over the rest of John's body, it seemed like he was perfectly intact. Nothing more than the scars that he already had. Instantly, Sean hugged John's face close to his chest. "Thank God you're okay. I thought you were dead." 

John scoffed, shaking his head as he let Sean hold him. He was too tired to fight back. "Dead? What, like I offed myself? I ain't that stupid, dummy." 

There was a knock at the door, followed by, "¡Oye, loco! Open the door! I hear you in there!" 

Sean finally let go of John, going to unlock and open the door. Once he did, Javier and Lenny came into the room, looking straight at John. 

"Hey, which one is 'loco', me or Sean?" John asked as the pair came into the room, seating himself against the wall. 

"Sean, with the way he was climbing in and out of windows like he's Spider-Man," Javier replied, glancing over at Sean. 

Sean shrugged his shoulders defensively, pointing at John. "I had to make sure he was okay!" 

Lenny walked over to John and sat down, rubbing his shoulder gently. "Hey, I don't know what's going on, but I'm here if you need to talk. Okay?" 

John smiled at him, nodding his head. Lenny wasn't as close to him as Sean, of course, but even less close to him than Javier. Still, here he was, offering help. "Thank you. I really appreciate it." 

While Lenny and John were talking, Sean and Javier were speaking quietly amongst each other. John hadn't noticed until he looked at the two, the both of them instantly going silent when they noticed John looking. 

"What?" John asked suspiciously. 

Javier decided to speak up first, stepping a bit closer to John's bed. "You should get dressed. I'm taking you out for the night. It'll be fun, promise." 

Raising an eyebrow, John looked over at Sean and then back to Javier. He didn't know what they were planning, but they both had this look that said John didn't have a choice in this matter. 

"Alright. Uh, I'll meet you downstairs in five minutes?" John said. 

Javier seemed to be happy with that and nodded, calling for Lenny to come with him as he left the room. Once again, it was just Sean and John in the room. Sean moved to his own bed, taking off his shoes. 

"What was that about? With Javier?" John questioned Sean, eyeing him closely. 

"He wanted to help. And it'll be healthy for you to get away from the house. Oh uh, and you won't like this but... Mary moved in. That's why Arthur had been missing most of yesterday, he was helping Mary move her things into his room," Sean replied. 

"Of course. Should have known." 

John stood up, moving to his dresser so he could pull out some clothes to wear. Hopefully Javier wasn't taking him anywhere fancy, John really hated dressing up. 

So Arthur and Mary were engaged and he already had her moving in. No doubt Dutch and Hosea knew about it and were probably happy for him. Hosea always teased Arthur about settling down and giving them grandchildren. The thought of that scenario made John cringe. Arthur was in his thirties so they expected more from him compared to John, who was in his twenties. On the contrary, they urged John to go out and meet new people, have fun. But John was most comfortable there on the ranch. 

Dressed in some dark wash jeans, a plain red shirt, and his favorite leather jacket, John turned fo Sean for approval. "This decent enough?" 

"Yeah, best to be comfortable, right? Hey, you have fun. Text me if things get crazy," Sean said, smiling at his best friend. 

Downstairs, Javier was patiently waiting by the front door, dangling his car keys in his hand. He looked up when he saw John, smiling at him softly. "Hey. Ready to go?" 

John nodded, heading out with Javier to his car in the garage. The sun was finishing its descend and the ranch was pretty quiet now. John got into the passenger side of Javier's car, buckling up while Javier did the same in the driver's side. 

"So where are we going? And thanks for taking me out, by the way. You didn't have to," John said. 

"Don't worry about it. Sometimes the best way to cope is to get away for awhile. So we're going to party with some friends of mine, but this ain't no ordinary party. You're about to party like a true Mexican," Javier replied, chuckling as he started up the car and began driving. 

John recalled stories Javier told about how he used to party with his family in Mexico, people getting completely drunk and wild. It sounded way more extreme than when the Van der Lindes would have parties, so John could only imagine what kind of night he was in for. There was just one little thing he was concerned about. 

"Are you sure they're going to be okay with you bringing a... white boy with you?" 

Javier apparently found that hilarious because he busted into laughter, having to quickly pull himself together so he could focus on the road. "Nah, they ain't like that. They'll let anybody from the street come in and join the party. Race don't matter." 

That made John feel a bit better, but he was still so nervous about the party. Sure, he had been to parties before but that was probably back in his junior year of high school. The older John got, the more introverted he became. 

And when they got to the party, Javier realized how sheltered John really was. He looked like he was ready to throw up as Javier parked the car outside his friend's house. Dutch and Hosea did tend to baby John, but it wasn't blatantly obvious until now. It made Javier wonder if John would even be able to survive without the help of his parents. 

"Hey," Javier called to John, forcing him to look over to Javier, "It's going to be okay. Take a breath. You'll fit in, don't worry." 

John nodded at Javier and looked back out the window, to the house they were parked in front of. Outside, there were some people grilling food, kids running around and groups of people chatting. The house itself was one of those traditional Mexican-style homes, lit with tons of lights. Something about it was just enchanting to John. 

Javier got out of the car, walking around to John's side as John followed suit. Together, they walked up to the house, able to hear the cumbia music that was playing loudly from somewhere inside the house. 

A man came up to Javier, giving him a light hug as he said, "Javier! ¿Cómo estás, hermano?" 

The two exchanged some words while John looked around, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Being around people he didn't know was something he definitely wasn't used to. It would probably be awhile, if ever, for him to get used to this. 

He was brought back to Javier and his friend's conversation when he felt Javier's hand on his shoulder. 

"This is my friend John, wanted to show him a good time. Life's been treating him rough lately," Javier said, glancing to John. 

Javier's friend extended his hand to John for a handshake, which John took. "Welcome, John! I'm Luis, hey, come inside and grab a beer. We got stronger stuff too, if you're into that." 

Javier wrapped an arm around Luis' shoulder, looking over at John. "Yeah, technically Luis here is Dominican, but he's okay sometimes." 

"Fuck you, man," Luis replied pushing Javier away while Javier laughed. 

John followed the two inside the house, where even more people were partying. The music was louder, so he really couldn't hear what Luis and Javier were saying now. But Luis led them over to a couch where Javier and John sat down while Luis went off to grab some drinks. 

"Loosen up, you made it this far, didn't you?" Javier said, patting John's upper back. 

Well he was right. John made it pretty far without embarrassing himself yet. If only he can keep it up for the rest of the night. 

Luis came back with a tray full of shots, setting the tray on the coffee table in front of Javier and John. "Dig in, man. No better way to spend a Sunday night, eh?" 

Javier rolled his eyes at Luis and grabbed a shot for himself and John, handing John his. They both tossed it back quickly, John grimacing a bit at the sting. Tequila, definitely tequila. 

A couple more shots in, Javier urged John up to introduce him to some more people. Luis had taken off to go settle a fight that started to break out in the kitchen, which everyone seemed to be ignoring. 

The next person Javier introduced John to was an older lady with graying hair and a kind smile. She was sitting with a few other older ladies, playing dominos. 

"John, this is Abuela. This is her house, actually. She's kind of like everyone's grandmother so we all call her Abuela," Javier explained, leaning down to kiss the woman's cheek. 

Abuela smiled at Javier before turning her attention to John. She looked at him for a moment before opening her palm to him. John understood and took her hand, unsure about what she was intending on doing, yet not feeling threatened. You could just feel from her aura that she didn't intend to hurt anyone, just the opposite actually. 

"Qué guapo eres. Todo saldrá bien, ya verás," The woman said, holding John's hand comfortingly. 

John didn't want to look away from the woman's eyes, but he had no clue what she told him. He looked at Javier, frowning gently. "What does that mean?" 

Javier was merely watching, letting Abuela inspect John. He looked at John when he spoke. "She said you're handsome. And she said 'everything will be okay, you'll see'." 

John looked at Abuela again, seeing her nod and gently kiss his hand before letting it go. He couldn't help but to smile at her. There was a huge language barrier between them and John had only just met this woman, but he felt like she was family. He could see why they called her Abuela now. 

"Alright, let's go get something to eat, yeah? This ain't that Taco Bell shit, this is authentic Mexican. Come on, you'll love it," Javier said, grabbing John's arm, pulling him to the now empty kitchen.

* * *

John remembered eating quite possibly the best meal of his life, followed by some more drinking. It was after that when things started to get fuzzy. Most of the night was spent with Javier and Luis, but John did remember going outside at some point to hit a pinata with some of the kids. 

After that, blankness. 

It had to be the next morning now, or maybe the next night depending on how hard he slept. Consciously, John was awake, but he couldn't force his eyes to open. His head was pounding, worse than he ever felt in his life. His back was incredibly stiff, feeling as if he was laying on something hard. And as he rolled over onto his side, there was only more hardness. 

With all the strength he could muster, John opened his eyes, blinking a few times before he realized he was on the floor. That explained the stiffness. But where was he? It appeared to be a living room that he was in, but it looked too modern to be Abuela's house. 

He sat up slowly, groaning as he felt every muscle in his body. Stars clouded his vision as he rubbed his eyes, sighing softly. Looking around, he confirmed that this was definitely not Abuela's house. 

It took some pure concentration for him to pull himself up into a standing position, almost ruining his progress by stumbling but thankfully catching himself on a nearby wall. His whole body was so heavy and his headache wasn't helping one bit. Definitely drank too much. 

And here comes the nausea. 

Since he didn't know this place, it was hard to tell where the bathroom was. He decided to keep checking rooms until he found the bathroom, luckily finding it on his second try. He ran inside, kneeling at the toilet and releasing whatever contents were in his stomach. This was the worst part of being hungover by far. 

Once he finished, he flushed the toilet and stood up to wash his face at the sink. Javier didn't lie about the party not being ordinary. This had to be the most drunk John had ever been, since he never usually had issues recalling what happened. 

After finding a towel, John dried his face and looked up into the mirror, only... it didn't look like his reflection. Well it did, the facial scars made it obvious that it was him, but his facial features were more... soft? And his stubble was gone. 

A further look down his reflection and John found that he definitely wasn't himself. His once flat chest now sported a pair of what he assumed had to be breasts, and when he pulled his shirt up, it was confirmed. His figure was also much more curvy. Any hint of masculinity was gone. 

And it appeared to be real, but there was one final place to check. When he peeked inside his pants, there was really no denying it. Somehow, he became a female overnight. 

"John, you good? Sounded like you were throwing up all your insides," Javier's voice rang through the bathroom, stepping inside and frowning as he saw John looking inside his own pants. 

"What are you- oh... mierda." 

This was going to be a hell of a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody recognize the guest star of this chapter? It was Luis Lopez from Grand Theft Auto: the Ballad of Gay Tony. He's one of my favorite GTA protagonists and of course he and Javier would be friends. 
> 
> The story is really rolling now! Thanks to everyone that's been giving kudos and reading the story, I really appreciate it!


	6. Introducing; Miss Marston

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Javier return home, avoiding the enivitable for as long as they can. But the Van der Lindes turn out to be oddly supportive of John's predicament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter was kind of awkward, only because it was hard finding a transition point from male to female John. But after this chapter, it's going to change to female pronouns and a slightly different name for John. You'll see, at the end of this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Not good. So not good. 

All that Javier and John were able to establish so far was that the apartment they were in belonged to Luis. And that Luis wasn't currently there. But even Javier couldn't remember much from the night before. They definitely drank way more than they could handle, though John was a little jealous that Javier wasn't puking his brains out too. 

Once John had been finished in the bathroom, they moved over to the living room, sitting on the leather sofa that was there. Neither of them could explain how John's predicament came to be, but for now they had to figure out how to handle this. 

"Maybe we should call Hosea? He seems to have a knack for figuring things out, especially unexplainable things like this," Javier suggested, glancing at John. 

"No!" John shouted in response, relaxing a little after realizing how loud that had been, "No. We can't tell Hosea or Dutch. I mean, this is kind of embarrassing. And I don't want to be that kid that has to rely on their parents for everything." 

Javier shrugged his shoulders, leaning back against the sofa. "That's very mature of you. I'm proud." 

John scoffed, rolling his - her? - eyes. "Yeah, yeah. So... we'll figure out how this happened later, but how am I gonna go home looking like this? Do I just tell everyone about it or do I try to hide it?" 

"I... don't know. What do you feel comfortable with? You could always try to hide it until we figure out what happened. It'd be kind of impossible to explain this to everyone right now." 

Javier had a point. But there was definitely no way John could hide this whole secret from Sean, not when they shared a room. 

"How do I even hide this? My chest is like three times its size and I have curves, this is crazy!" John exclaimed. 

"I know, but you're not alone, okay? I'm going to help you through this whole thing. We'll get it figured out and get you back to normal in no time. You trust me, right?" Javier asked, wanting to reach out and comfort John. But now that he was a she, he felt this sudden barrier between being able to touch male John and not being able to touch female John. He decided it was best to keep his hands to himself. 

John nodded, eyes fixated on the floor. "I trust you. I don't know how long I could possibly hide this, though. People will find out, some sooner than others." 

"How about this - we hide this as best as we can for now. Maybe long enough for you to get used to your new body. In the meantime, I'll talk to Luis and try to backtrack to last night. You'll have to work on your voice, though. That's probably going to be the hardest part." 

John's voice did change significantly. His once raspy and rough voice was now light and airy. That would probably be the first thing that people noticed, besides his new body shape. Too bad he sucked at making voices. 

"Okay what if... what if I just tell everyone tonight? I mean, I ain't no damn actor. Why should I have to hide?" John proposed. 

"If that's what you want to do. What are you going to do in the meantime?" 

John thought for a moment, shrugging. "Catch up on work. I'll just be in Dutch's office anyway, nobody can come in there. It'll be good to get my mind off this for awhile." 

"Sounds like a plan then. Let's get going home. I texted Luis earlier and he said my car is downstairs. Let's see if it's still drivable though," Javier chuckled, standing up and leading John out of the apartment. 

Luckily, the car was still in one piece when they got to the parking lot. From the outside, John noticed the apartment building was pretty big and fancy. It made him wonder what kind of work Luis did to be able to afford such a nice place. In a non-racist way, of course. It just made John feel like he must've been doing something wrong with his life if he didn't have his own fancy apartment. 

The drive home was quiet, but Javier made it less weird by turning on the radio. He was probably feeling just as exhausted as John. It would be a miracle if John actually could manage to get some work done. 

By the time they got home, the clock on the radio indicated that it was 11:34am. Mostly everyone was outside doing their daily work by now. John pulled his leather jacket closed, attempting his best to hide his body as he got out of the car. 

"You going to work or taking the day off?" John asked Javier as they walked into the main house. 

"Going to work, of course. I can't stay still when I'm hungover. Weird, I know," Javier replied, laughing a little. 

"Nothin' wrong with that. So, meet me on the back porch tonight, around 9PM. I'll hopefully have the courage to tell everyone by then," John said with a sigh, heading upstairs with Javier. They both paused once they reached the top, slowly heading towards their bedroom doors. 

"Sure. See you then. And take it easy, okay? Text me if you need me," Javier stated, waving goodbye at John before heading into his room to change into more suitable clothes for farm work.

* * *

Mondays were busy for John, normally spent in the office all day. He did paperwork for the farm, making sure they were still operating legally. Inventory was usually taken on Mondays too, but he decided that could wait. 

The closer it got to nighttime, the more nervous John got. He shed his jacket and tried to get used to his new body, how there were two balloons on his chest now that frankly were constantly in his eyesight because he wasn't used to them being there. And going to the bathroom was just odd. 

Perhaps the best kept secret on the ranch was the little group chat that everyone was in, unknown to Dutch and Hosea. It was created with the intention of de-stressing and talking to one another in a casual, non-work environment. At first, it was how everyone slowly got to know one another. But now it was just a tool for contacting everyone conveniently, everyone except for Dutch and Hosea at least. 

John pulled up the group chat in his text messages, the name of the chat still making him chuckle. He couldn't remember if it were him or Sean that named the group, but initially the whole group chat idea belonged to them so it had to be one or the other. 

**John Marston to Van der Bitches: Guys I have something to say, let's meet up at the back porch**

The message was sent, now John had to figure out how to relay this disturbing information to everyone. He headed for the porch, hearing his phone go off in his hand. He was going to look, but saw Javier already waiting on the porch and decided to greet him first. 

"Hey," John said, standing beside Javier. 

"Hey. Ready for the moment of truth?" Javier replied, glancing up from his own phone to John. The group chat notifications were going wild now. 

"Guess we'll find out," John responded, looking back at his phone to see what he was missing in the chat. 

**Lenny Summers to Van der Bitches: Thought you and Javier were dead, you've been gone all day**

**Tilly Jackson to Van der Bitches: Are you okay John???**

**Arthur Morgan to Van der Bitches: What's this about?**

**Sean MacGuire to Van der Bitches: u got some explaining to do Marston**

**Sadie Adler to Van der Bitches: I am so confused.**

**Micah Bell to Van der Bitches: this better be worth my time**

John completely forgot Arthur was naturally included in the group chat and suddenly regretted sending that message. He would probably bring Mary with him, great. But people were already starting to gather on the porch and it would be too late to back out. 

Javier went against his own rules from earlier, seeing John tense up as everyone gathered around. He placed his hand on John's upper back, rubbing it gently. It didn't seem to backfire, so Javier kept his hand there for a moment. 

It seemed like nearly everyone was there already, making John feel more self conscious than ever. Sean looked a little upset, he always was when he wasn't the first to know John's business. Arthur did bring Mary. And well, everyone else looked confused. 

"Uh," John started, not bothering to imitate his normal male voice, "This is going to sound crazy, but Javier and I went out drinking and I woke up like this - completely the opposite gender. I have no idea how it happened but I figured this would be pretty hard to hide, so that's why I'm telling you all. But please don't tell Dutch and Hosea, I'm going to get this figured out before they get back." 

Everyone was silent, shocked by the look of it. As unbelievable as the story was, John guessed he would see if they all did truly have his back. 

Micah was the first to speak up, grinning as he crossed his arms over his chest. "This was so worth my time." 

"Wait like- completely female? Are you sure?" Sean asked, stepping away from the crowd to get closer to John. 

"Yes, I'm sure. I've checked, trust me," John replies, rolling his eyes. 

"So are you going by she/her/hers pronouns now? And what about your name?" Tilly asked. At least she seemed to believe him and was taking this seriously. 

Tilly's questions were ones that John hadn't even thought about. He didn't even know how to answer them. 

"Well... I don't plan on staying this way for long. There's gotta be some way to reverse it," John answered slowly. 

"It's kind of awkward though, isn't it? Being female but going by male pronouns and a male name?" Karen spoke up next with her own questions. 

"It ain't that awkward. He, or she, can identify however way is comfortable," Sadie interjected. 

"I support you no matter what you decide, John," Lenny added in to the conversation. 

"Hey, it's my job to be the supportive friend. Butt out, Lenny!" Sean directed to Lenny. 

"Wait, that's John talkin'?" Uncle mumbled from somewhere in the middle of the crowd. 

Everyone was going into their own chatter about the situation at hand, which one way or another, everyone seemed to be taking seriously. That surprised John a bit. He was so sure he would receive ridicule and mockery. 

As the conversations started to get louder and Sean seemed to get more aggressive towards Lenny, Miss Grimshaw stepped forward, standing beside John and Javier. 

"That's quite enough!" The crowd quieted after that. She looked over at John, speaking more softly, "John, do you think it would be easier to remain how we address you now or would you like to change it for simplicity's sake?" 

Being female was not something John thought would ever happen. He had been happy as a male, though he hadn't been as macho as Charles or Arthur. But now there was no masculinity for him to claim, except for his clothes. Perhaps it would be better to just go with the flow. 

"Um... I guess I can change things for now. It won't be so bad," John replied. 

Addressing the crowd again, Miss Grimshaw spoke up, "John will be going by female pronouns now. And instead of John, we'll call her Jo; J-O. Is that clear?" 

There were nods and hums of understanding from the group, which satisfied Miss Grimshaw. Thank goodness for her being the mediator. And John figured he could get used to being called Jo. It wasn't too far from the name John, at least. 

"Good. Now off to bed, all of you." 

Too afraid to go against Miss Grimshaw, everyone started to leave. Only Sean and Javier stuck around, but Arthur seemed to also be lingering with Mary stuck to his side. 

"Now I don't know what you did to make this possible but I do know you were raised to be a farm boy. And if you're going to be a female, that won't do. You need to learn how to be a lady, same as the rest of the girls on the ranch. Tomorrow you'll be with me in the main house, I'll teach you everything you need to know. I'll see you at 8am sharp," Miss Grimshaw said, not even waiting for confirmation before she left. 

What was so bad about being a farm boy? They weren't royalty or anything, Jo didn't need to know how to sit up straight and use twenty different forks for one meal. All that happened was a transition from male to female, not social class. Well, the questions could wait for the morning. 

"Well well, little Miss Marston," Sean said after Miss Grimshaw was gone, grinning at Jo. 

"Don't even start," Jo replied, wiggling a finger at Sean. 

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat, then Jo, Sean, and Javier all looked up to see Arthur standing in front of them. He somehow managed to get rid of Mary, evidently, as he stood by himself. 

"Can I uh, can I speak to you alone... Jo?" Arthur said slowly, only focusing on Jo. 

"Sure..." Jo replied, confirming with Sean and Javier that it was okay for them to leave by giving them both a look. 

Arthur waited for the two to leave before he turned to Jo again, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Figured it's about time we talk... I don't know what's been going on, I been seein' less and less of you. And then this happened," he gestured to Jo. 

"Like you can talk. We have one good day together and then you go and get engaged to Mary? I opened up to you and you threw me away like I didn't even matter!" 

Arthur sighed, shaking his head. "You wouldn't understand. I couldn't grasp the idea of bein' with another male, you may be okay with it but it ain't easy for me. My father - my real father - he always preached to me that males don't belong with other males. That ain't something I can forget. Hosea and Dutch had you since you were a baby, you know that they would never say that stuff to you." 

"Yeah well, guess you ain't got to worry about it no more. You just focus on Mary," Jo said, turning and heading inside the house. 

As much as Jo hoped things could be fixed with Arthur, it never would be. Not when Mary was around. She had this death grasp on him, one that he was too blind to see. There was no point in talking to him anymore, especially if he was going to throw around excuses. 

Now Jo just had to figure out how to survive the next day with Miss Grimshaw and her lady lessons.


	7. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur can't stop going through his memories, making him rethink his recent decisions. Jo learns about the difference between males and females.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: past mentions of child abuse. 
> 
> Didn't think I'd have trigger warnings for this story but it keeps surprising me. Honestly, when I'm writing it's like I'm reading the story right along with you guys lol. 
> 
> Also something random but have you noticed that sometimes Jo/John pronounces -ing words fully and other times they don't? They tend to do it when they're angry or excited so if it seems inconsistent, that's why lol. Arthur just never pronounces -ing words fully regardless because he's that much of a country boy.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

Teachers applauded Arthur for his curiosity, picked him to be their helper because he was always willing to assist. The happiness and comfort of those around him always came first before his own needs. It left little room for the boy to grow into his own person, made him feel like an empty shell. 

Until he met him. 

At twelve years old, Arthur was slowly starting to explore himself more. Found that he really didn't like math but he liked his agricultural elective class. That he hated green beans but he loved brussel sprouts (which made other students say he was crazy). Eventually, he discovered that he preferred boys over girls. 

_Arthur's room wasn't much, but it had a small TV that managed to catch some cartoon channels and that usually kept him pretty busy. He had a friend over, a new student that he quickly became close to. The TV was playing some random cartoon as the two boys huddled on Arthur's small bed, enjoying both the show and each other's company._

_A hand found its way into one of Arthur's own hands, grasping him gently. It was a small gesture, meant to tell Arthur that this time they spent together was appreciated. But when Arthur looked over at the boy beside him, it was like something inside him sparked. His friend was, in his opinion, pretty cute. But the way he was looking at him wasn't the way a boy should look at his other boy friend. Yet it didn't scare Arthur, only intrigued him._

_The next thing he knew, he was kissing his friend. It was an innocent and inexperienced kiss, but it made Arthur's chest flutter in excitement. Whatever this feeling was, he wanted more of it._

_Unfortunately, the moment was interrupted by his door opening and his father shouting as soon as he saw what Arthur and his friend were doing. He was ripped away in an instant, his father full of rage and holding his arm tightly as he dragged him out of the room._

_The strikes of his father's belt was painful, perhaps the most painful thing he'd experienced. His friend had followed them out of the room and as much as Arthur didn't want to cry in front of him, he couldn't stop the tears from leaving his eyes. His pleas for his father to stop went unnoticed, made him more angry, if anything._

_He didn't know how long the pain lasted until the cops showed up and separated his father from him. Somewhere in the midst of the mess, his friend had found a phone and called the police. It was quick thinking, Arthur admired how well he thought on his feet._

_After that day, Arthur never saw Oliver again. Nor his father._

Arthur thought about that day often. His whole life had come crashing down, just when he was finding a small bit of happiness. He knew his father's strict criticisms of homosexuality, but Oliver had made him feel safe and, above all else, human. Arthur had a hard time connecting to others, but Oliver was different. It was like he woke him up. 

His father wasn't due home until later in the day, otherwise he would have never risked the whole thing. He really wasn't even allowed to have friends over. Even with his strict rules and heavy drinking, Arthur still loved his father. He just couldn't explain why. 

But he was thankful, so thankful, for Dutch and Hosea. Arthur went into the foster care system after his father was deemed unsafe for him to be with. Dutch and Hosea were looking for a child to foster, in the hopes of being able to adopt later on. They intended on fostering a baby, but when they saw Arthur being ignored while all the perspective foster parents cooed over the infants, they knew Arthur was the one. 

At first, Arthur had been cold to Dutch and Hosea. He didn't talk, didn't look them in the eyes. Barely left his room except to eat, use the bathroom, and go to school. But the couple was understanding and gave Arthur his space. 

Arthur just couldn't understand. Two men were forbidden to be together, but Dutch and Hosea flaunted their relationship as if it were no big deal. It intimidated Arthur, as if they were magicians or tricksters of some sort. 

But time passed and Arthur became more comfortable with the couple. He began opening up to them, asking for help with his homework. He learned their habits and mannerisms. Like how Hosea always had to have something sweet after he ate a meal or how Dutch would watch the news over reading the newspaper if he didn't sleep well the night before. 

Then about almost a year of being with Dutch and Hosea, the couple legally adopted Arthur. And soon after that, they brought a baby John home. 

These were just things Arthur reflected on often. But the thoughts quickly left his mind when he felt Mary stirring beside him in bed, a smile on her face as she opened her eyes and huddled even closer to his side. 

"Morning, Mr. Morgan," she greeted, arm laced around his midsection. 

"Mornin'," Arthur greeted back, feeling passive towards the woman beside him. 

Mary was wonderful, definitely the kind of wife he would want. He told himself he was making the right move, that it was time to settle down. But his heart refused to go along with logic. He already proposed, so of course he would follow through. He just wished it didn't feel like he was throwing his life away. 

"M'gonna head down for breakfast. I'll catch you in a bit," He said, snaking his way out of Mary's grasp. Walking to his bedroom door, he threw on the robe he had that was hanging on it before leaving and heading downstairs. He could hear Mary objecting to him leaving through the door, but too much was flowing in his head, especially after his reminiscing. 

As he approached the kitchen, he heard some chatter. Definitely Sean's voice. 

"I'm just saying, theoretically, if you had to show your vagina to either me or Micah, who would you choose?" 

Arthur walked in to see Charles, Jo, and Sean sitting at the dining table. Charles was frozen in disbelief at Sean's question and Jo looked like she wanted to punch him. A reasonable reaction. 

"The hell are you talkin' about, MacGuire?" Arthur asked, brows furrowed as he looked at the boy. 

"Nothing that involves you, Arthur. Ya know, not all of us can get engaged so easily. We gotta take what we can get," Sean replied, laughing as he grinned at Jo. 

"I ain't puttin' out for the likes of you! You think just cause I'm your best friend that you can get your kicks from me?" Jo grumbled at Sean, visibly angry. 

"If you want to room with someone that isn't a complete pervert, you can bunk with me," Charles offered to Jo. 

"I'm seriously thinkin' bout takin' you up on that," Jo replied. 

"Aw come on, I'm only joking with ya!" Sean defended himself. 

Walking over to the fridge, Arthur took a look at what was inside as he listened to Jo and Sean bicker, shaking his head. He would have felt more angry at Sean for saying such things if he hadn't known he was nothing but jokes. That and that he was Jo's best friend. 

Jo... it was bizarre that John was now a girl. Oh but it was still John, alright. Their conversation from the night before still stung a little, but Arthur knew what he did to John was wrong. He shouldn't have led him on, not while Arthur still felt so conflicted about same-sex relationships. 

Arthur settled for a pre-packaged cup of seasonal fruit, leaning against the counter as he ate the little slices. He could still see the dining table from where he was, his eyes uncontrollably focusing on only Jo. How different John looked... but it wasn't so bad. 

"Miss Marston! You were supposed to meet me ten minutes ago!" Miss Grimshaw came storming into the room, glaring daggers at Jo. 

"'M hungy," Jo replied, mouth full of oatmeal as she spoke. 

Arthue chuckled to himself as he watched the scene in front of him. Miss Grimshaw waited expectantly for Jo, who rushed a few more spoonfuls of oatmeal into her mouth before following Miss Grimshaw out of the room. The poor girl would be in for a headache so long as Miss Grimshaw was involved.

* * *

"Jo! Are you even listening to me?" 

The window had become increasingly interesting to Jo as Miss Grimshaw went on and on about bathing regularly and sitting with one's legs closed at all times. There was no point to any of this and all Jo wanted to do was go outside and work. She saw Charles passing by, then Lenny, then Mary-Beth. All of them made her envious. 

"Yeah, I just- what's the point in all this? I know common sense," Jo said, turning to face Miss Grimshaw from her spot on the couch in the living room. 

Miss Grimshaw sat beside Jo, clearly annoyed. "The point is that the boys will think you can still do the same things you used to do- and you cannot! You can't walk around with your shirt off, you can't roll through the dirt like some kind of animal. There's limits now that you're a girl." 

"What, why? It ain't no big deal. They know it's me. Nothing's changed!" 

Miss Grimshaw let out a short laugh, shaking her head. "A lot has changed, dear. Like it or not, you are a woman now. And there's lines that you don't cross. Men are mindless and impulsive. That's why you have to mind how you dress and how you act. You can't go carelessly flaunting around anymore." 

She was talking as if Jo hadn't previously been a boy. But perhaps some of what Miss Grimshaw was saying made sense... Sean seemed to be acting different around Jo ever since he found out she was a female. 

"Well... I did notice Sean was acting a bit strange... But it's still me, why does my gender matter?" 

"It matters plenty. Boys will be attracted to girls, they can't help it. Especially ones as pretty as you- and yes, you are pretty. It's like an instinct; boy sees attractive girl and boy attempts to woo her. But, how you present yourself will tell everyone if you take yourself seriously or if you simply seek attention," Miss Grimshaw explained. 

Jo never knew there was such complexity to being a woman. As a man, he could do whatever he wanted without thinking twice. Now, it was like all eyes were constantly on her and she would have to watch her back. How crazy. 

"So... what do I do?" Jo asked, suddenly very concerned for her personal image. 

"Listen to my advice and pay attention."

* * *

Turned out that Miss Grimshaw knew what she was talking about. So there would be some small changes here and there. Like instead of dressing in the same room as Sean, Jo would just take her clothes to the bathroom and change there. There was also the discussion of getting a whole new wardrobe and having to wear bras now. It was all foreign to Jo, but she was assured that the other girls would help. 

Miss Grimshaw said she would talk to Arthur about having someone else do Jo's outdoor work while Jo helped her with the more feminine things like doing laundry and cooking. Jo wondered what Arthur would say, considering he was the one currently in charge of the ranch. 

It was only about mid-afternoon by the time they finished up in the living room. Jo decided to pick up on inventory for today, grabbing her clipboard with the detailed list of items. She would start with the stables, seeing if there was enough supplies for the horses. 

Her clothes fitted a bit lose now, forcing her to pick her pants back up every few steps since they kept sliding down. The shirt was loose and thankfully covered her pants so that nothing personal would be revealed. As expected, Arthur was out in the stables, brushing the horses. He looked up to acknowledge her, nodding his head. 

"Jo." 

"Arthur." 

Well he was being civil, she had to give him that. She walked over to the area where they kept all the supplies, tallying what was low on stock. 

"You have a good time with Grimshaw?" She heard Arthur say from over her shoulder. Either Arthur didn't like the awkward silence between them or he was desperate to talk to her. She couldn't figure out which was more likely. 

"Oh, yeah. It was fine." 

Jo paused her writing, suddenly feeling eyes heavy on her. When she turned around, Arthur was staring right at her. A little unsettling, to say the least. This must have been what Miss Grimshaw was talking about. 

"What?" Jo asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"The reason you went out drinkin' with Javier, it was cause of me, right?" Arthur asked, having fully stopped brushing Silver Dollar to talk to Jo. 

Jo crossed her arms over her chest, holding onto the clipboard loosely. "So what if it was? That don't make you special or nothin'." 

"I know I hurt you bad and I'm sorry. I just-" 

Jo groaned, cutting Arthur off, "The whole being gay thing, I know. You damn broken record." 

"It ain't an excuse, Jo! I can tell you think it is, but it ain't," Arthur sighed, shaking his head. 

"Say it's not an excuse. Then what's the excuse for Mary? Oh, let me guess. She makes you feel like a man? No, that ain't it. Um, she's pregnant and marrying her was the right thing to do? That would be a huge shocker," Jo rolled her eyes. 

Pure disbelief had taken over Arthur's face. When had Jo become so heartless and cruel? "You're actin' like a true bitch, you know that? Maybe this is why this happened to you. You haven't even tried to understand me." 

Jo's blood was boiling. The audacity of this man. After all the pain she suffered, still suffered, because of him and he thinks he's the victim. "What's there to understand? You told me you loved me and then got engaged to someone else. The only thing I understand is that you're nothin' but a liar," she stepped forward, closing the gap between them, "And you know what? I hate you, Arthur Morgan." 

The words hit Arthur like a ton of bricks. Three words, three small words that were so simple, yet so destructive. Sometime after that Jo had left, but Arthur remained in place. The words echoing through his head. 

_The early sun shone through the windows in the kitchen, adorning the dining table with shadows of the nearby trees outside. Arthur liked to trace the outlines with his finger while he waited for Hosea to finish making breakfast._

_Dutch sat across from Arthur, reading his newspaper like usual. He had his eye out for some cheap farm animals to buy so they could finally make use of the barn out on the pasture. They had lived on their new ranch for a few months now and Dutch was ready to get to work._

_"Heard Colm O'Driscoll started a farm of his own. O'Driscoll Farms, he calls it. Took the idea right from under you, it seems," Hosea called out to Dutch, multitasking in the kitchen as he cooked some eggs on the stove all while bouncing baby John as he clung to Hosea's shoulder._

_Dutch made a sound of disapproval, not taking his eyes away from the newspaper. "The bastard heard I was leaving the office and moving to the country to start my own business. Never said what kind of business, but of course he figured it out."_

_"You could always go back to being a financial advisor. You were great at it. Even if Colm kept taking all your clients," Hosea replied, John making soft babbles as if he was adding in his opinion._

_"We're moving forward, Hosea. Not going backwards. This is going to work out, okay? I have a plan," Dutch finally set down his newspaper, looking over at his partner. Any bubbling irritation dissapeared as soon as he saw his long-time boyfriend with their new infant son. The sight was truly something to behold._

_Standing up, Dutch crossed the room and kissed Hosea's cheek, showing nothing but love for the man before him. "We're going to be alright. You, me, and the kids. Nothing can stop the Van der Lindes."_

_Just then, the house phone rang. Dutch gave Hosea one last kiss on the cheek before he went off to the living room to go answer the phone. Hosea was ready to finish breakfast, but needed full use of his hands._

_"Hey Arthur, dear. Can you do me a favor and hold John while I finish this up?" Hosea turned to look at their eldest son, walking over to him once he saw the boy nod._

_Hosea carefully handed off John to Arthur, helping him to figure out how to securely hold the infant. "Support his head, now. He has no control of it just yet, so he'll need your help."_

_Arthur held John in his arms, deathly scared to drop him. He hoped his grip wasn't too harsh, but he wasn't letting go even a little. John stared up at him, smiling and fussing quietly. And as Arthur stared back at him, he felt this odd feeling. Like he had to protect John and do everything in his power to make sure he was safe and happy. But also like they had some kind of connection, even though John was just a baby. It was an unexplainable feeling, but a strong one._

_And he knew right then and there that he would do anything for John._


	8. Strange Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier shed some light on what really happened to Jo. Charles gets pulled into the middle of Arthur and Jo's issues, but happens to help a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but this one was meant to fill in some of the questions that have been left unanswered. After this, it's gonna be a rollercoaster of ups and downs.
> 
> As always, thank you to my lovely readers that show this story so much love!

As angry as Jo still was with Arthur, she felt bad for being so mean to him. Did she really have to say she hated him? What the hell was going on? 

The look on Arthur's face... he was completely destroyed. Even as she left, he didn't move. Just stood there frozen. And yeah maybe he broke her heart, but she should have come to a compromise with him and let things go. Instead, she made it a million times worse. 

On the walk to garage to continue with inventory, Jo swore she could hear voices coming from the back of the garage. When she walked around the side, she could make out what sounded like Bill and Micah talking. 

"-impossible to change genders outta nowhere. I think it's just John wanting attention. Pretty convincing act he's put on though." That one was Bill's voice, it sounded. 

"Maybe he's bra-stuffing. I'll need some solid evidence before I believe anything he's saying. If you know what I mean." And that one was Micah. The two of them shared a laugh that made Jo feel completely sick to her stomach. She couldn't get away faster. 

Back in the garage, she tried her best to focus on inventory. But now she felt completely uneasy by what Bill and Micah were saying, as well as still feeling upset over her conversation with Arthur. What if everyone was thinking she wanted attention and was faking all of this? Maybe Arthur thought the same thing and was disgusted by her. 

Everything was turning even more upside down. Jo felt like she was losing who she was more and more. 

She had been too lost in her thoughts to realize Javier's car was missing from the garage. Only when it came rolling in did she see that it had previously been gone. Javier got out of the car, smiling at Jo in greeting. "Hey." 

"Hey. Didn't even know you were gone. Where did you go?" Jo asked. 

Javier walked around to the other side of his car so he could get closer to Jo, leaning against the vehicle. "I went to see Luis. I think we got some clarity on this situation of yours. We think Abuela did something. She's uh... very influencial, apparently. It's not always widely known, but us Mexicans are very spiritual. Like I didn't even tell her anything about your thing with Arthur but she knew you were heartbroken." 

Jo blinked slowly, brain trying desperately hard to process what Javier was saying. "She cursed me?" 

"Not a curse. She doesn't do black magic. It's supposed to help. The way Luis explained it was that you had to change in order to make someone realize their true self. I'm guessing that someone is Arthur." 

Another moment of silence passed while Jo analyzed Javier's words, sighing as she set down her inventory clipboard on a nearby toolbox. "So... I had to transform into a female to... make Arthur realize he's gay?" 

Javier shrugged his shoulders. "That doesn't make much sense to me, I don't think so. But Luis was confusing me just as much as I'm confusing you." 

"Take me to Abuela, then. I'll talk to her... somehow." The language barrier would be a challenge, but that's what Javier would be for. 

"Can't. She's gone." 

Jo paused again, frowning in concern. "She died?!" 

Javier couldn't help but to laugh, shaking his head. "No, pendeja. She went back to Mexico. That's why I talked to Luis and not her. He managed to ask her about it just before she left." 

Jo frowned even more. "What did you just call me? I feel like it wasn't good." 

Javier laughed again. "Nothing. Look, now we know how this happened. So now we have to figure out how to reverse it." 

"How do we do that? And why did she have to leave? Why didn't she tell me anything, or tell you to tell me?" 

"She's not much of a talker. She just saw there was an issue and she took a liking to you from watching you at the party and your aura I guess, decided she wanted to help. Luis said her sister is sick or something so she went back to Mexico to help out." 

It seemed like life didn't want Jo to win. There was always a reason why something didn't happen, or a way for things to go wrong. 

"Well what do we do now?" She asked, feeling defeated. 

"I got an idea. The only other person that's as spiritual as us is Charles. Maybe we should ask him. He's real good with these things." 

Jo nodded, seeing the logic in that. "Okay. I can talk to him later. I really have to get some work done, though. Arthur and I had a fight and I've been completely off because of it." 

"Ouch. What happened?" 

Jo sighed, rubbing her head. "We were talking about what happened between us... and I told him I hate him." 

"Hate is a powerful word. But I'm sure things will get better. We just have to figure out what to do with this spell of yours and hopefully that'll do it." 

"I sure hope so."

* * *

Riding was Arthur's go-to relaxation technique. For some, running water or yoga may be relaxing, but there was nothing better than the open pasture and his horse. Boadicea seemed eager to be out of the stables too, he swore she could sense how stressed he was. 

Beside Arthur was Charles with Taima. Charles was Arthur's closest friend and offered to go riding with him. Arthur accepted when he realized that he really didn't want to be alone with his daunting thoughts. 

"So what's got you so tense? I can sense your foul mood from here," Charles said, glancing at Arthur. 

"I don't even know where to begin. There's John bein' a girl now, which, I got into an argument with her earlier. She told me she hates me. And then there's me doin' everythin' I can to avoid Mary. It ain't right but... I can't bring myself to be around her right now," Arthur explained, exhaling slowly. 

Charles hummed in acknowledgment, taking his time to contemplate what Arthur was saying. "Sounds like you're conflicted about something. The John thing was surprising, I get that. But Mary is your fiancee. You should want to be around her." 

Arthur knew this and yet, the only person he wanted to be around was Jo. The same Jo that admitted she hated him. Meanwhile, Mary was dying to be with him and he couldn't even spare five seconds for her. 

"I know that. But explain to me why I don't feel that way." 

Charles hummed again, the both of them turning a corner as they reached the very back edge of the ranch. "You know why. You won't admit it, though. Or you've repressed the truth." 

"I want to settle down. I can't do this datin' stuff no more. Mary's ready for that so we're goin' for it." 

"And you think that's all marriage is about? Wanting to settle down?" 

Well, wasn't it? Hosea and Dutch weren't a good example of it, they settled down far before they got married. But they weren't your standard couple. Arthur was getting too old to try to find someone, his internal clock ticking louder and louder. It was now or never. 

"I feel like you're judgin' me," Arthur avoided the question, raising an eyebrow at Charles. 

"Not judging you. Trying to help you think," Charles responded calmly. 

Arthur scoffed, stroking Boadicea's mane in an attempt to calm himself. Usually talking to Charles calmed him down, but it was only stressing him out even more. 

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong with me instead of makin' me guess?" Arthur asked. 

"Only you can figure out what's wrong with you. You know what you feel," Charles answered. 

More cryptic replies. Arthur was about to ask more questions when he and Charles came across Kieran, Bill, Micah, and Lenny. Kieran was spray painting a big rectangle in the grass and the other three stood with shovels. 

"The hell are y'all doin'?" Arthur called out to the men, stopping Boadicea nearby. Charles stopped beside Arthur, raising an eyebrow. 

"It's a welcome home gift for Hosea and Dutch! They ain't due back for awhile now, but this is gonna take some time to finish," Bill responded, gleaming with pride. 

"What is it?" Charles asked, just as confused as Arthur for once. 

"A swimmin' pool! Made by Van der Lines, for Van der Lindes. Gonna be real nice by the time we're done," Micah replied this time. 

"Don't be lettin' it distract you from workin'. We still got production to keep up with," Arthur warned, using his authoritative voice. 

"We'll get all our work done, Arthur. Don't worry," Lenny called out, offering a smile to the older man. 

Arthur was satisfied enough with that promise. In time, he would see if they'd do what they say. He looked at Charles and nodded his head for him to follow him back to the stables. On the way there, Charles' phone went off, which he promptly looked at. 

"Jo texted me," He said to Arthur while reading over the message. 

For some reason, that information made Arthur upset. Jo and Charles hardly talked unless they needed to. Why was she texting Charles? 

"Well what does she want?" Arthur asked, climbing down from Boadicea as they reached the stables. He removed his saddle from her, eyes still on Charles. 

"I don't know. She said she wants to talk to me in person," Charles answered simply, also getting off his horse after putting his phone away. 

Not that Arthur didn't trust Charles, but he didn't like the idea of Jo talking to him alone. Or to any of the other men, really. The more Arthur thought about it, the more it made him wary. And he hated the feeling. 

Charles could sense Arthur's uneasiness, but went into the house to speak to Jo nevertheless. He could talk to Arthur later, but it was good for him to get some time to himself. 

Jo was in the living room, finishing up some work when Charles came in. She looked up and smiled softly at him, setting her paperwork aside. 

"Thanks for coming to talk to me. I hope I didn't interrupt anything," she said. 

Charles took a seat beside Jo on the couch, shaking his head. "Nah, just went riding with Arthur. What's up?" 

Knowing that riding was what Arthur did when he was upset, Jo assumed it must have been because of her. It made her feel even more guilty. 

"Uh, it's about me and my... transformation. Javier found out that some spell or something was put on me, to teach someone about- something. Anyway, the person that did the spell left and we're trying to figure out how to break it. I think... I think it has something to do with Arthur. We have a complicated relationship as of right now," Jo explained. 

Charles took his time to think over what Jo was saying, his lips pressed together in thought. A spell. He had heard of gender-changing practices in his own culture, so it was possible. But after talking with Arthur and now talking to Jo, the puzzle pieces were slowly falling into place. Arthur and Jo had feelings for each other, but Arthur obviously had some internal conflict to deal with first. That's probably what this spell was about. 

And lucky Charles just happened to be put in the middle of it. 

"I think you and Arthur need to get on the same level. But Arthur has a lot going on right now. It's going to be hard to get him to see any logic, unless he figures out his feelings for himself," Charles said. 

Well that much was already clear to Jo. Arthur was the key here, but he was so stubborn. 

"So what do I do? I mean what am I trying to achieve here? It's not some love spell, Arthur isn't going to magically fall in love with me because I'm a girl now. I mean, he has Mary. They're engaged, for crying out loud. There's no way I'm getting out of this," Jo sighed, defeated. 

Charles relaxed against the couch, crossing his arms over his chest in thought. "I think that Arthur already knows the truth. He knows he loves you, deep down. And what this spell will show him is that he loved you when you were a male and he still loves you now that you're a female. The trick is just trying to get him to figure this out." 

If anyone knew Arthur well, it was Charles. And if Charles said that Arthur does love Jo, she believes him. After all, Charles is really talented at figuring people out, especially Arthur. Jo wished she had that talent, but evidently all she could do was make people upset. 

"Okay... so how do I make him figure that out?" Jo asked. 

"It's going to seem... petty. But make him jealous. That's the only way. These feelings have to be forced on him and I can tell he's already starting to feel jealousy. He got upset at the fact that you texted me." 

Jo's eyes lit up at that last bit of information. Arthur got upset because Jo texted Charles? It was never an issue before... maybe this spell really was working already. 

"Really? Holy cow. Okay. Make Arthur jealous. That'll be easy. No biggie." 

But of course, nothing was ever easy for Jo. While the task itself sounded simple, many challenges could arise, regardless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're like me, you love obsessing over RDR but find it hard to find people that share the love for it. Well thankfully, there's a whole online community dedicated to RDR! 
> 
> If you've never heard of it, there's this app called Amino and you can find pretty much any community for any topic there. I recently joined the one for RDR, where I post random junk and do roleplays. Feel free to add me if you want! 
> 
> [Author's Amino](http://aminoapps.com/p/cas5971)


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